Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
