Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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