it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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