I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
