I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
