I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Porn is love you can see.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
