Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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