U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
