do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
