Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
