Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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