Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he thought i was a dude.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
