Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My butt remains clenched, sir.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
