This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
