Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
