Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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