apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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