Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
