no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
