Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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