oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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