The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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