my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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