If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
