I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
