We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
