Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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