she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
