My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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