im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
