And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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