At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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