You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
