we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
