ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
