Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
