I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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