Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
