Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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