Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
