if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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