I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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