Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
