My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
