So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
