im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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