she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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