You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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