fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
