We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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