the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
