you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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