The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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